Free Paris! Not the country, the hot bitch!
The BBC and others are reporting that Paris Hilton is backing an online petition, apparently created by a Paris fan named Joshua (of course it was a guy!), which asks California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to pardon the 45-day prison sentence that Paris recently picked up for violating her probation for a drunk-driving conviction. The petition also claims that Paris is being used as a "scapegoat to highlight the dangers of drunk-driving".The reason we should let Paris skate?
In the petition message on his MySpace website, Joshua paints Ms. Hilton as a role model who "provides hope for young people all over the US and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives". It also draws parallels between other high-profile figures who were forgiven for their misdeeds. "If the late former President Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon the late former President Richard Nixon after his mistake(s), we undeniably support Paris Hilton being pardoned for her honest mistake," it says.
Ms. Hilton apparently endorsed the online appeal, saying: "My friend Joshua started his petition, please help and sihn it (sic). I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!"
I have to agree!! Paris Hilton is the most entertaining thing on television, and any time she might spend in jail is surely time she could be better applying towards a really spectacular coke habit and subsequent check-in to rehab, or yet another massive public fight with a soon-to-be ex-boyfriend, or just a good old-fashioned wardrobe malfunction on the red carpet at some Hollywood premiere!
FREE PARIS HILTON! She too damn funny to lock up… and her continued existence DOES serve as a warning to others.
(C) 2007 Don Stratton
Only one comment:
Dear Sir:
I must beg to differ re your position on freeing Paris Hilton because we believe her high entertainment/humour value would be substantially increased by prolonged incarceration. Simply arrange for her to be filmed behind bars 24/7! The benefits to all are obvious. The prison system budget could finally fall into the black (under a shared revenue stream of course), the increase in comedic situations is obvious, and Paris herself, as a well-known attention whore would certainly jump to sign such a proposal.
We hope the arrangement could include periodic attempts by an enormous freak to stuff Paris into a cramped designer handbag. Her struggles to escape or even breathe, jammed in between cell phone, tampons, crack pipe, and other sundries while precariously dangled high in the air by a spaghetti-thin purse strap would ensure hilarity for all.
Don’t forget the obligatory attempts by drug addled morons to huff up her hair in desperate questings of enough spilled coke for a hit. Let her find out how damned funny it feels to have some giant-nostrilled lunatic rooting around in your coat trying to snort all your fur up. It’s worse than the vacuum cleaner, and everyone knows how we feel about them.
Sincerely,
Small Furry Yap-Yap Dogs Everywhere
Small Furry Yap Yap Dogs Everywhere - 06 22 07 - 10:32